Gwar war
I wanted to make sure that my first blog...you know...really had something to say. Thus, I've waited a bit for the right subject matter to come up, and it finally happenned.
So, as many of you know, I work in Hell. Or pretty close, at any rate. And in order to help enure the infernal realm, we employees of the woodshop often have deep meaningful discussions concerning the greatest character actor of all time, or the best zombie flik ever made, or well you get the idea. Like, for instance, today I asked who would you rather see torn apart by wolves; the band "Live" or the band "Creed." Needless to say, some of these questions are not easy. So today, I believe we rallied with perhaps the most necessary subject of our time which is this: who would win in a fight; Oderous Urungus or Chizmat Maximus. Now this seems obvious--Oderous has that big sword, Chizmat does not seem to readilly wield a weapon (except for his axe of course), but what you are probably forgetting is that Chizmat, in the video "A Cool Place to Park," clearly has not only armor, but also control of a chariot and the entirity of the slave pit (or maybe co-control--I'm still not sure where Slymenstra Hyman fits into the entire Gwar chain of command, but for my money I'm hoping pretty high up). Now I'll be honest with you folks, it has been awhile since I pondered Gwar. Evidence of this is obvious if you consider the fact that the guy with a bear trap for a head didn't make it into the running due only to the fact that I can't remember his name. Obviously, both Techno and Bozo Destructo can't be considered in the challenge. Oderous would kick both their asses put together. And lastly, the Sexecutioner is kind of a wuss. For those who remember his song, he comes from France--though I don't think we should hold that against him.
So, anyway, there we are in the shop, really getting into it, when it finally occurs to me that in fact the winner in this particular situation would have to be Sleazy Pete Mancini, the band's manager, because he would probably sell tickets to the whole event, though arguably Gwar has now been on so many day time talk shows that it might be hard to see Sleazy Pete as the guy who's really getting their name out there. Does anyone else feel that it's odd that Gwar's success can be directly tied to Ricky Lake. I do. They should let her play a character in their stage act, like the dinosaur or the "I hate Gwar" guy with the beer in his fake intestines. That would be sweet.
So, as many of you know, I work in Hell. Or pretty close, at any rate. And in order to help enure the infernal realm, we employees of the woodshop often have deep meaningful discussions concerning the greatest character actor of all time, or the best zombie flik ever made, or well you get the idea. Like, for instance, today I asked who would you rather see torn apart by wolves; the band "Live" or the band "Creed." Needless to say, some of these questions are not easy. So today, I believe we rallied with perhaps the most necessary subject of our time which is this: who would win in a fight; Oderous Urungus or Chizmat Maximus. Now this seems obvious--Oderous has that big sword, Chizmat does not seem to readilly wield a weapon (except for his axe of course), but what you are probably forgetting is that Chizmat, in the video "A Cool Place to Park," clearly has not only armor, but also control of a chariot and the entirity of the slave pit (or maybe co-control--I'm still not sure where Slymenstra Hyman fits into the entire Gwar chain of command, but for my money I'm hoping pretty high up). Now I'll be honest with you folks, it has been awhile since I pondered Gwar. Evidence of this is obvious if you consider the fact that the guy with a bear trap for a head didn't make it into the running due only to the fact that I can't remember his name. Obviously, both Techno and Bozo Destructo can't be considered in the challenge. Oderous would kick both their asses put together. And lastly, the Sexecutioner is kind of a wuss. For those who remember his song, he comes from France--though I don't think we should hold that against him.
So, anyway, there we are in the shop, really getting into it, when it finally occurs to me that in fact the winner in this particular situation would have to be Sleazy Pete Mancini, the band's manager, because he would probably sell tickets to the whole event, though arguably Gwar has now been on so many day time talk shows that it might be hard to see Sleazy Pete as the guy who's really getting their name out there. Does anyone else feel that it's odd that Gwar's success can be directly tied to Ricky Lake. I do. They should let her play a character in their stage act, like the dinosaur or the "I hate Gwar" guy with the beer in his fake intestines. That would be sweet.