Of Warnings
I've been trying, for awhile now, to put my finger on a change that I've noticed in my personality or at least how I deal with people (which is 90% of personality so, whatever...). Here it is: I've decided that it really isn't worth my time and/or effort to give people warnings when they're not doing something that they should be doing, that they should know that they should be doing, or when they are doing something just plain wrong. It's become my opinion that I simply just don't think it's worth the hassle to argue with people or to hear their lame excuses or to have to reason out things that are not up for debate. My students ask me, "is it okay if I don't try to learn what you're teaching me," and I should make some kind of argument, or at least say, "if you don't I'll fail you," but I don't say anything. I tell them that it's their decision because I don't want to hear their reasoning as to why they shouldn't have to pay attention.
My pastor tells me that he's decided that our church should cater exclusively to retirees and I should tell him that I will be looking for a new church, but why? It's just an argument where I'd have to convince someone that 30 year olds don't want to do all the work in a church where 70 years olds are the majority, but I know that I will be met with some smug, 'I know what I'm doing' kind of attitude. I mean sure, a year later when the church closes it's doors, I get the satisfaction of getting to say, "I told you so," but beyond that what?
I feel kind of weird about this, because I think I should feel bad, but I don't really. My opinion is now that there is a right way to do things and behave, and if people don't want to do things the right way, it's not my job to correct them. In fact, it makes it pretty easy for me make my decisions based on their flummixed sense of things.
Case in point, the student who tells me that they aren't going to do the essay. I flunk them. They have an F in their hand when they show up to tell me what's what. At that point, all I have to do is not listen. If I tell them, "do your work or you'll get an F" I have to argue with them and argue with them and argue with them, and then they show up to class and make asses of themselves and make things difficult.
See, people who are warned react. They get defensive. They get annoying. They let you know in no uncertain terms that it isn't that you are pointing out the right way but that you're trying to tell them what to do, and who are you to tell them what to do? People who haven't been warned? They've already seen that their mistakes have caused things to go badly. At that point, you can even act as surprised as they are. "Wow, yeah, I would have thought watching the movie instead of reading the book was a good idea too," or, "you mean it's hard to pay attention in class when you're high on Oxicontin?" Gee, who'd of thought?
Here's the thing though, I think my new found reluctance is a symptom of a greater problem. People simply don't want to be corrected anymore because...well...who are you to correct them? They would rather do it wrong, disastrously wrong in a lot of cases, then have someone claim authority. What the hell is that? Are we really that afraid of authority at this point that we don't trust anyone--that no ammount of experience is better than our amateurish attempts? Is beginners luck now the be all end all decider of whether things work or not?
My pastor tells me that he's decided that our church should cater exclusively to retirees and I should tell him that I will be looking for a new church, but why? It's just an argument where I'd have to convince someone that 30 year olds don't want to do all the work in a church where 70 years olds are the majority, but I know that I will be met with some smug, 'I know what I'm doing' kind of attitude. I mean sure, a year later when the church closes it's doors, I get the satisfaction of getting to say, "I told you so," but beyond that what?
I feel kind of weird about this, because I think I should feel bad, but I don't really. My opinion is now that there is a right way to do things and behave, and if people don't want to do things the right way, it's not my job to correct them. In fact, it makes it pretty easy for me make my decisions based on their flummixed sense of things.
Case in point, the student who tells me that they aren't going to do the essay. I flunk them. They have an F in their hand when they show up to tell me what's what. At that point, all I have to do is not listen. If I tell them, "do your work or you'll get an F" I have to argue with them and argue with them and argue with them, and then they show up to class and make asses of themselves and make things difficult.
See, people who are warned react. They get defensive. They get annoying. They let you know in no uncertain terms that it isn't that you are pointing out the right way but that you're trying to tell them what to do, and who are you to tell them what to do? People who haven't been warned? They've already seen that their mistakes have caused things to go badly. At that point, you can even act as surprised as they are. "Wow, yeah, I would have thought watching the movie instead of reading the book was a good idea too," or, "you mean it's hard to pay attention in class when you're high on Oxicontin?" Gee, who'd of thought?
Here's the thing though, I think my new found reluctance is a symptom of a greater problem. People simply don't want to be corrected anymore because...well...who are you to correct them? They would rather do it wrong, disastrously wrong in a lot of cases, then have someone claim authority. What the hell is that? Are we really that afraid of authority at this point that we don't trust anyone--that no ammount of experience is better than our amateurish attempts? Is beginners luck now the be all end all decider of whether things work or not?
posted by Monstro D. Whale at
11:57 AM
3 Comments:
You have a couple of good points there. I think the last part, about how people are so unwilling to trust somebody else's advice, may be due in part to the Boomers' attitude that most gen x and y's aren't good enough to lick the boomer generation's boots. At any rate, it's a psychological issue.
The other point that I find relevant is your decision to refuse to even acknowledge somebody else's mistakes. So, you are pretty much denying ownership of the problem that they are trying to hand to you. 'Here's my problem, deal with it,' is what they're trying to say while your response is something like, 'what problem?' This is somewhat amusing.
I've also found that I've had the same viewpoint for some time now. My mental response is something like, 'uh-huh, so you're saying you have issues. Congratulations. So do I. Good luck getting someone to listen.' I think I empathize more with the fact that nobody is going to listen to them bitch and moan than I do with their issue. If I took the time to care too much, there wouldn't be enough time in the day, week, year, decade, lifetime. I'd probably crumple into a quivering ball of empathic sludge. A slippery slope no human should have to go through.
I agree. When students perform poorly, they know damn well (at least on some level, even if they won't admit it) that they're doing so. In the long run, you're probably doing them a favor by pointing this out by failing them -- not that they'll all listen. But, you might get through to a few this way. And those few might wake up and become productive citizens, one of which is worth a dozen non-productive ones any day.
The problem is that my lack of warnings seems to go to far. People say, "I'm voting republican," and I don't say, "so you hate America then?" Which is the only rational response one can have once one knows what these Republicans do.
Instead, I just say, "everyone is entitled to their opinion," which kind of empowers them. Of course, I do back away from them. I've seen Time Bandits. I know what happens if you touch pure evil.
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