Cat trouble

Here's a pretty thought for the entire world.

My cat isn't too bright, nor is she...ahem...petite. She's huge. The vet gives us guilt every time we take her in. In any case, the long hair, the lack of smarts, the girth all have led up to an untidy ass. So, basically, four times a year, I have to take my cat in to get her anal glands evacuated.

Now, I don't know what sort of schooling is involved in getting the job to evacuate a cat's anal glands, but I'm guessing that it's a rather unpopular major. That's one miserable final.

In any case, cat, anal glands, and oh my god the smell. The worst part is that this is a very loving cat, but for a few days afterwards, you're just not too hip to have her nearby. Of course, there's nothing you can do about her when you're asleep. She sneaks up on you (as best she can, she's kind of big--when she jumps on the bed, it bounces: that's you're only warning). Well, she doesn't sneak up on you exactly, she's MY cat. I mean, really, mine. My wife thinks that the cat wants her out of the picture. I'm not saying it isn't possible, but it sounds like a little more cerebral power than my cat can muster (as I mentioned before, she's not smart enough to keep her ass clean).

In any case, the cat likes to bounce up onto the bed in the middle of the night where she attempts to snuggle with me...which is generally fine except for those nights when she smells like ass. The thing is though, if you spurn the cat, she gets offended and when you wake up, she kind of has her butt aimed at your face. It's fairly disturbing, but then, there's no need for the snooze when that's the first thing you see in the morning.

Let me get on with the story though. For the past few weeks, the cat (Tang) has been trailing me, weaving in and out of my way, and essentially trying to get me to fall over and hit my head so that I can die and she can eat my eyeballs (she probably wouldn't, but our other cat--the little one--most definitely would). So, I figured, she must need to go to the vet to get her anal glands evacuated and so I take her to the vet.

Now the vet takes the cat and goes away for a few minutes. When she comes back she's real accusatory.

"You know, you don't have to bring her in except every three months. It hasn't even been two months since her last appointment."

"Yeah but she's been real needy lately and normally that's a sign."

Here's where I could tell she was a bit put out:

"well, only one of her glands had anything in it and the other one was totally empty."

Now, I've given it some thought, and here's why I think the vet tech was a bit peeved with me. Basically, I paid thirty bucks and had them shove their finger up my cat's butt. Not a pretty job any day of the year, but how much worse when there's no need for it. I think they thought it was some kind of practical joke on my part, a bet maybe. I don't know.

Look, I wasn't trying to belittle the profession by getting my cat a dirty sanchez. I was just trying to... you know...be a good cat owner.

In any case, the good news is that the cat seems enormously refreshed (or perhaps just afraid of what else might happen should she trouble me again), and there's no sign of that rancid ass smell so I've made another apointment for next week.