Whooeee QE, pt. 1

So, my wife left. Not for good or anything, but she decided to leave on a jet plane for California so that I could study for this huge test that I had coming up. This was my list by the way:

1- Botkin, B.A., ed. Lay My Burden Down. Athens and London: Brown Thrasher Books, 1989.
2- Hurston, Zora Neale Mules and Men. New York : Perennial Library, 1990.
3- Rhyne, Nancy, ed. Slave Ghost Stories: Tales of Hags, Hants, Ghosts, & Diamondback Rattlers. Orangeburg: Sandlapper Publishing Co., Inc., 2002.
4- Reneaux, J.J., ed. Cajun Folktales. Little Rock: August House Publishers Inc., 1992.
5- Johnson, Donna. Personal Interview. 12 Dec. 2005.
6- “Haunted History Tours of French Quarter” Haunted History Tours of New Orleans. New Orleans, LA. 3 June, 2005
Haunted History Tours of New Orleans. 29 Jan. 2007 http://www.hauntedhistorytours.com/-
7- Wells-Barnett, Ida B. “Mob Rule In New Orleans: Robert Charles And His Fight To Death, The Story of His Life, Burning Human Beings Alive, Other Lynching Statistics” 29 January 2007 http://www.gutenberg.org/files/14976/14976-h/14976-h.htm .
8- Bryan, Violet Harrington - The Myth of New Orleans in Literature. Knoxville: University of Tennessee Press, 1993.
9- George Washington Cable, “The Haunted House in Royal Street” Strange True Stories of Louisiana. New York: Charles Scribner’s Sons, 1905.
10- Chestnutt, Charles W.. “Po' Sandy” The Conjure Woman. 29 January 2007. http://www.gutenberg.org/files/11666/11666-h/11666-h.htm
11- Wharton, Edith- “The Lady Maid's Bell” The Ghost Stories of Edith Wharton. Scribner Paperback, 1997.
12- Official Website of The Myrtles plantation. The Myrtles Plantation. 29 Jan. 2007. http://www.myrtlesplantation.com/
13- Taylor, Troy & Adams, Lynn. “Hunting For Hoaxes.” So There I Was… Whitechapel Production Press, 2006.
14-. A Current Affair. The Myrtles Plantation The True Story of America's Most Haunted House. 29 Jan. 2007. <http://www.myrtlesplantation.net/index2.html>
15- Haunted New Orleans Tours. Bachigraphics.com (owners). 2006. 29 Jan. 2007. http://www.hauntedneworleanstours.com/
16- Stanonis, Anthony, J. Creating the Big Easy. “Old New Orleans: Race and Tourism.” Athens and London: The University of Georgia Press, 2006.
17- Barthes, Roland. “Historical Discourse”
18- Brunvand- The Vanishing Hitchhiker. “New Legends For Old.” New York and London: W.W. Norton and Co., 1981.

If you're paying close attention, you'll notice that only two of the works were actually book length--the other sixteen were either short stories, information on web sites, tours I'd been on, or an interview with my mom. Remember, I'm cultural studies. We'll study phone books and call them cultural artifacts if we have to. Don't laugh, some of my "colleagues" do just that.

...and remember, this test, as I've pointed out a hundred times before, isn't difficult because of the reading involved in the list, it's the getting the list approved that's the pain. I actually read a whole lot for this test, but many months ago when I hadn't narrowed it down to Louisiana ghost stories instead of all ghost stories everywhere.

In any case, the day after my wife left for a week, I began to study. I went over my notes. I quickly read through the opening bits by Brunvand, I re-read "Mob Rule in New Orleans." And after about four hours, I felt done. Not like I couldn't take anymore, but rather, I hadn't a clue as to what else to look at.

That should be a comforting feeling. It wasn't. The notion that you've been setting up a test for two years, that you've endured all matter of stupidity, that your quest has become Kafka-esque and that you now stand at the end of it, finally having been handed the reins to control this thing, and you can give it exactly four hours, is.... Well, let's just say I wasn't sure if I knew my shit or I'd hit a wall. And if I'd hit a wall, I would find myself in sore trouble when the test actually rolled around the thursday after that.

So, what did I do?

Here's the kicker. I'd already made plans to go to ICon at the end of that week, and so, as a diversion away from studying, I built scenery to sell there. For those of you who don't know, ICon is a gaming convention, and I, Monstro, make and sell scenery for wargames. Ahh...

So, that was when, instead of studying, I began to make scenery from 8 in the morning until 11 at night. Fifteen hours with an air brush and hot knife. To give you some idea, I actually cut most of the Styrofoam outside (because it's toxic) during a snow storm...enough to make 23 hills in fact. I went through a 25 pound box of hydrocal. My condition crossed the border of obsessive compulsive and mania. The little self critical voice in my head was yelling at me. I'm really not kidding about that. That little internal monologue one has normally--I had to actively suppress it because it realized how much self destruction I was committing.

But every time I'd emerge from the basement, I'd look at that list and shrug. It was ridiculous to not spend time building the scenery. There was nothing left to study. And besides, each piece of scenery I built was between $20 and $60 in my pocket. If it helps any, you should know that I lived hand to mouth last Summer and I really don't want to live that way again. This might be the cause of my...obsession.

Later, I talked to Slash and the Drivler about it. Slash who is just shy of his doctorate in psychology assured me that I'm not crazy. Drivler offered the same bit of advice, saying ultimately that as my wife and child had left, I was responsible for nothing more than non stop masturbating (his words, not mine). His theory was that I had ultimately freed up too much free time and that I was in no position to discipline myself given that all other forces that would have otherwise acted upon my life were gone. He was surprised, I think, to find that I'd studied at all, and he assured me that I would "step it up a notch" as time drew nigh.

Well, I went to Icon. I brought $3,000 worth of scenery and sold exactly $110 worth. Ho hum. I can see in retrospect that my thoughts on the subject were a bit...off, but no matter. I have bins full of stuff to sell on Ebay over the next year so it's not exactly a complete wash (though I fear I may have lost my camera).

Then I came back and stepped it up said notch. This consisted of re-reading the Barthes and the folktales and listening to Mules and Men on tape.

That Thursday I showed up to school to find one of the professors had gotten the time of the test wrong. So I sent out an email explaining that, no, we would be meeting at 1 and not 3, fearing of course that I'd have to reschedule and set this thing back another 3 months (that's a rather conservative estimate--it actually took five months to schedule this meeting). Two (of three) professors responded to the email by calling the office secretary to find out the right time. I went back through previous emails. Never once had the time of 3 come up. Where these people get their information I still don't know. I don't think they know that the secretaries talk to the grad students, but they do, so I was privy to the blunder.

Nevertheless, I received no more emails and so I assumed that they would all be there at 1. I crossed my fingers, did a dance, complained to a few of the grad students that I knew, attempted to look up legends of the Choctaw tribe (for no real discernible purpose), ate lunch and then showed up, as did my committee and so the test proceeded.