Home free with home fries
I've decided that the reason that I get very few regulars to my blog is because all of my blog posts are five pages long. I need to find less to say, or I need to simplify my comments. I'm not sure which.
So, that's what today's about. This morning I went out to breakfast with my wife and son, and as per usual, my order came with half a plate of home fries. Now, I want to say this: I have nothing against potatoes per se, it's just that I don't want to eat 1/2 a square foot of them at nine in the morning. My breakfast has options. I can have any kind of bread I want. I could order Foccoccia (or however you spell that; spell check wants to change it to Fukuoka). I could order rosemary encrusted olive croissants. I could order jalapeno bagels. But as for the home fries, they are non-negotiable. I can ask for less home fries, I can order extra home fries, but the home fry element of this breakfast option will be arriving no matter what.
Whatever happened to hash browns? Seriously. Do I have to go to McDonald's now to get hash browns? But I realize in saying this that I'm suggesting that home fries have simply replaced hash browns, which isn't exactly true: attend the skillet--an entire first meal that uses home fries as a plate. How much starch do I need in the morning that the potato can manage a cup de tat on eggs.
So, that's what today's about. This morning I went out to breakfast with my wife and son, and as per usual, my order came with half a plate of home fries. Now, I want to say this: I have nothing against potatoes per se, it's just that I don't want to eat 1/2 a square foot of them at nine in the morning. My breakfast has options. I can have any kind of bread I want. I could order Foccoccia (or however you spell that; spell check wants to change it to Fukuoka). I could order rosemary encrusted olive croissants. I could order jalapeno bagels. But as for the home fries, they are non-negotiable. I can ask for less home fries, I can order extra home fries, but the home fry element of this breakfast option will be arriving no matter what.
Whatever happened to hash browns? Seriously. Do I have to go to McDonald's now to get hash browns? But I realize in saying this that I'm suggesting that home fries have simply replaced hash browns, which isn't exactly true: attend the skillet--an entire first meal that uses home fries as a plate. How much starch do I need in the morning that the potato can manage a cup de tat on eggs.
posted by Monstro D. Whale at
10:33 AM
3 Comments:
That's kind of how bacon is at Shoney's right. I love the little hash browns from Burger King. No substitutes at restaurants sucks! That is why I don't eat at chain eateries. It is also why I go the Chicken Ranch instead of the smaller ones.
P.S. - When are you going to have your post ready for my blog?
I've been thinking about blog traffic too. Some people post a picture of home fries and then write, "Man, I sure-enough do LURRRVE home fries."
In response, they get like 25 comments. (Though, to be fair, those 25 comments are generally shallow: e.g., Me too! :) or Mmmm, can I have some.)
Others post 5,000-word well-researched histories of the home fry, but receive nothing more than the occasional spam comment about non-prescription viagra opportunities. (Or, of course, that "anonymous" commenter who vehemently disagrees and won't shut up about it.)
I've been paying attention to brevity lately, so suspect you're on the right track there. The ideal length seems the be approximately what you've posted here. Add in a picture of home fries, and you're also heading in the right direction.
When it comes to intellectual depth... Again, I think you're heading for major comments with this new direction. This is exactly what blog-browsers want to read. Fuck Proust and Ellison, man... We want to read about your home fry problems.
Only... that may not be what you want to write (which can cause inner turmoil). Case in point: I enjoy writing home fry rants (I mean, who doesn't?), but then I also like to write up the occasional philosophical or literary essay (still about home fries, of course), either of which seems to drive away all of the usual home-fry people who fear any kind of serious (as in non-humorous) thought on the matter.
What's a brotha to do?
I will say this, though... Being obnoxious tends to raise readership. Post a story about sexual fat-fetishism or how you brazenly steal pictures off the net, and the numbers spike. Post a three-part video series on Ayn Rand, and get a big goose-egg.
I figured chances are relatively low that anyone's going to want to read my reactions to Atlas Shrugged. So, I'm probably going to start another blog soon for non-joke, non-obnoxious blog posts. I did a rough sketch already, but won't focus on it until after tax time (and after my moderation of the next Pynchon section next week as well).
Hash browns are alive and well in Montana. However, they tend to be the undercooked, not quite crispy type. Man, I want my hash browns BROWN. Fried in a skillet with a cube of real butter, pepper, and salt. Crunchy like bacon.
I definitely have to agree with you on the quantity issue. Too many places think they can get away with giving you lots of the 'cheap' stuff to cover the empty space. The empty space, of course, do to downsizing the other portions as prices climb and climb and etc. etc.
Most places that say 'no substitutions' are lying. They do indeed substitute when you insist that you get the meal you want or you'll take your business elsewhere. Or they'll let you take your business elsewhere. Either way, you don't have to put up with that no subs nonsense. If the manager can't wrap their brain around how to price the substitution, they probably shouldn't have that job.
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