On What Is (and is not) A Contest
I have a belief, and I'll share it with all my readers. That belief is this: Blowing Shit Up With Gas should not join any contest that doesn't have a winner because, and I want to make this clear, I think he'd win it.
Having said that, BSUWG is living a lie. It's true. He keeps showing up on my blog to tell me about writing contests that aren't really contests. Over and over. His M.O. is this outrageous claim that this is not a competition. Well, of course not; how could it be? I write a blog maybe every other week and most of them are half assed. BSUWG writes nearly 8000 words a day. Even when he's hung over people.
When I say this isn't a competition, I don't mean that there won't be competition. Oh, I'll print my little stories on my web site. Some of them will be...clever. BSUWG will print his magnum opus. It will be a spectacular memoir that would immediately make the Oprah book of the month club, if only he'd try to get it published, and with a condescending "Nice Job Monstro!" he'd win the contest that isn't of course a contest even though he keeps goading me into it.
But I ask BSUWG, one of two of my readers, what really will you have won? What writer's resume will be more fulfilled by saying that you beat poor Monstro down in this meager little dance off. Hell, if you beat the Drivler, now that would be something! Of course, he'd have to put something up, and that in itself could take longer than both our lifetimes.
Lastly, I want to know, my friend, do you know the size of your chew and its corresponding bite. For I, my friend, have been known to partake in the construction of the written word upon occassion. Oh, I know, these blogs are a pittance, but don't be fooled. I was never that good at all this NON fiction stuff.
Having said that, BSUWG is living a lie. It's true. He keeps showing up on my blog to tell me about writing contests that aren't really contests. Over and over. His M.O. is this outrageous claim that this is not a competition. Well, of course not; how could it be? I write a blog maybe every other week and most of them are half assed. BSUWG writes nearly 8000 words a day. Even when he's hung over people.
When I say this isn't a competition, I don't mean that there won't be competition. Oh, I'll print my little stories on my web site. Some of them will be...clever. BSUWG will print his magnum opus. It will be a spectacular memoir that would immediately make the Oprah book of the month club, if only he'd try to get it published, and with a condescending "Nice Job Monstro!" he'd win the contest that isn't of course a contest even though he keeps goading me into it.
But I ask BSUWG, one of two of my readers, what really will you have won? What writer's resume will be more fulfilled by saying that you beat poor Monstro down in this meager little dance off. Hell, if you beat the Drivler, now that would be something! Of course, he'd have to put something up, and that in itself could take longer than both our lifetimes.
Lastly, I want to know, my friend, do you know the size of your chew and its corresponding bite. For I, my friend, have been known to partake in the construction of the written word upon occassion. Oh, I know, these blogs are a pittance, but don't be fooled. I was never that good at all this NON fiction stuff.
posted by Monstro D. Whale at
12:19 PM
1 Comments:
Excellent post! Always fun to read something like that when I'm averaging upwards of *two* comments per week on my blog. Jeeeez, some folks post three friggin' words and 25 people write in, moved by the profundity.
I think you're going to like (and possibly relate to) my new novella. I'll post it when I'm done, and it'll freak your ass out -- but that's all I'm saying right now. (Remind me in December & I'll explain.) It won't be anywhere near as cool as Evil Thoughts in Church, though.
Or, hell, put that on the back burner & finish your magnum opus that begins, "The city is sick. In places it dies." You gotta get that thing done, or you'll wind up like that character in Chabon's Wonder Boys.
Damn, it's 8:42 p.m. -- I gotta get my ass writing (shooting for 2,000 words/day + any incedental blog entries -- so, you're way off with that 8,000 remark). BTW, what ever happened to th' Drivler? I used to read his blog, but he suddenly stopped updating about 6 mos. ago. Quite mysterious. I was enjoying the insanity of his workplace.
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