The honking continues
Many of you will not have read my previous expose concerning the overall state of Massachusetts and how its residents ought to be euthanized...haha. Just kidding.
Castrated.
Anyways, the point of that series of posts was three fold.
1. People in Massachusetts can't drive.
2. People in Massachusetts are not afraid of getting tickets because cops are paid to stand on the side of the road and make sure that no one throws things at the road workers (look for that union label!)
3. People often honk as they drive by my house...and of course...
3a. If I am outside when people honk while driving by my house, they flip me off.
It is point 3 that I'd like to continue on, because yesterday, we called the cops. Let's go back to November when my mother-in-law was out visiting and she turned to my wife and said, "someone's in love." Why? Because every time they pass by some house around here, they honk. That's when we first became aware of it.
Since then, we've come to realize that it isn't some ONE. No. The honks are random, different. Unless this amorous individual owns a fleet of cars, including trucks, this could not be the work of one man, nor of a cohesive group. I do not suspect conspiracy for I cannot imagine a group of people getting together and agreeing to honk their horn as they pass by my house.
This is, by the way, not a joke. They actually do this. In fact, yesterday, when we called the police, it was because four cars had driven by honking within an hour's time span, and the honking did not cease; it continues still.
I have to wonder what to make of this. I sort of don't expect the cops to do anything as they never do, but that's beside the point. I suppose I should be upset that my four month old baby is constantly being harrassed by the honking but it happens so frequently that he's become used to it. What really gets me is the search for some earthly explanation. What the fuck is going on?
As I drive down the street towards my house now, I search myself, looking for some inkling of desire to honk my horn. I don't feel it as yet. Maybe the sun must illuminate some scene which I have heretofore missed which will send some spark of seratonin through my brain and force my hand to club the center of my steering wheel, but as of yet, nothing.
Was there a sign there long ago? Is it still there and I've just missed it? Is there some strange New England tradition related to the island of lesbos or the worship of Father Dagon and Mother Hydra? Seriously, if you have any information concerning why people are honking their horns, let me know. It's a bit baffling.
Castrated.
Anyways, the point of that series of posts was three fold.
1. People in Massachusetts can't drive.
2. People in Massachusetts are not afraid of getting tickets because cops are paid to stand on the side of the road and make sure that no one throws things at the road workers (look for that union label!)
3. People often honk as they drive by my house...and of course...
3a. If I am outside when people honk while driving by my house, they flip me off.
It is point 3 that I'd like to continue on, because yesterday, we called the cops. Let's go back to November when my mother-in-law was out visiting and she turned to my wife and said, "someone's in love." Why? Because every time they pass by some house around here, they honk. That's when we first became aware of it.
Since then, we've come to realize that it isn't some ONE. No. The honks are random, different. Unless this amorous individual owns a fleet of cars, including trucks, this could not be the work of one man, nor of a cohesive group. I do not suspect conspiracy for I cannot imagine a group of people getting together and agreeing to honk their horn as they pass by my house.
This is, by the way, not a joke. They actually do this. In fact, yesterday, when we called the police, it was because four cars had driven by honking within an hour's time span, and the honking did not cease; it continues still.
I have to wonder what to make of this. I sort of don't expect the cops to do anything as they never do, but that's beside the point. I suppose I should be upset that my four month old baby is constantly being harrassed by the honking but it happens so frequently that he's become used to it. What really gets me is the search for some earthly explanation. What the fuck is going on?
As I drive down the street towards my house now, I search myself, looking for some inkling of desire to honk my horn. I don't feel it as yet. Maybe the sun must illuminate some scene which I have heretofore missed which will send some spark of seratonin through my brain and force my hand to club the center of my steering wheel, but as of yet, nothing.
Was there a sign there long ago? Is it still there and I've just missed it? Is there some strange New England tradition related to the island of lesbos or the worship of Father Dagon and Mother Hydra? Seriously, if you have any information concerning why people are honking their horns, let me know. It's a bit baffling.
posted by Monstro D. Whale at
9:30 AM
3 Comments:
It's reason 3a that really concerns me. Without that one, I could imagine that maybe there's a cat on your street, or maybe a pack of rambunctious squirrels that all motorists have to warn. But, if they're flipping *you* off, that's different. Are you sure it's you, personally, that they're flipping off?
I'm with Blowing Shit Up--is it just you, or have neighbors been hit by these drive-by flippings? What about Missus Motormouth? If it's just you, then you'll have to open a big can of worms. I can think of countless people who would like to flip you off--I am, in fact, flipping you off even as I write this. We even formed a club, but as yet we have not opened a Massachussetts chapter.
So what could you have done that would cause someone to organize an entire team of people in such a way? As far as revenge is concerned, it's a pretty pathetic operation, so I'm guessing that your tormentors are themselves pretty pathetic. Some moron from school, maybe? A student unhappy with his/her grade?
Call in the Bloodhound Gang, man...unless you think they have a beef with you.
In point of fact, as Drivler mentioned, we have as yet not opened a Massachussetts chapter. But they made me the treasurer and I;ve been paying operatives to randomly drive by and moon you. Sorry about that. Apparantly they got confused and are honking and flipping you off. This rather annoys me as well, because I paid good money {well, Drivler's money, but he doesn't know that) to have the least intelligent and punishable operatives negotiate the difficult process of driving with one hand whilst the car is on cruise control with their asses hanging out the window. This was a highly amusing concept as I lit cigars in my private office lighting $100 bills and getting high off the smoke. With your icy roads it was guaranteed that most of them would end up going off the road. Or at the very least freeze their cheeks off.
Damn. Now I'm going to have to kill them myself.
The other likelyhood is that they are friends and family of the painters you had working on the house this past summer and they still think they are working on the back of your house and the whole tribe is camped out in your backyard. They flip you off because as the resident of the abode on which they are labouring you constitute "the man" and therefore are to be hated.
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