A very special message from some assholes
Wow man, what a response! Only moments after my previous blog, Bank of America wrote me a personal email. Evidently, upon learning that I had a blog, they wanted to make good to me before I harmed their nigh spotless reputation.
Well, bygones bank of A. Don't you worry. Water under the bridge.
Oh, and they wondered if maybe they could use my blog to get their message out to the people, their loyal customers. Well sure...
Dear Bank of America customers,
With identity theft and fraud on the rise, we know that you are concerned about the security of your day to day purchases, and what we, here at Bank of America, are prepared to do to keep you safe. That's why we're happy to introduce our newest plan For American Membership Investment Nexus Encouragement (F.A.M.I.N.E.). We will find that criminal element attempting to defraud our customers and here's how we plan on doing it. We all know that criminals need to eat. Upon this basic factor does our plan rely. Criminals will attempt to use your ATM cards to buy food at supermarkets and such. All we ask is that our loyal customers over the course of the next few weeks don't buy food. That way we'll catch all those criminals red handed by freezing any and all accounts used to purchase food of any sort, and here's the best thing: you don't have to sign up for F.A.M.I.N.E.. Having a Bank of America checking card means that you are instantly enrolled in this program.
Let's here what one happy recipient of F.A.M.I.N.E., Monstro, had to say about the strength of our security: "YOU MOTHER FUCKERS! I WAS JUST TRYING TO BUY FOOD AND YOU FUCKHEADS FROZE MY ACCOUNT!!"
That's right Monstro, but just imagine if you had been trying to buy that food illegally, huh? We think you see what we mean.
So, Welcome to F.A.M.I.N.E. and please let us know how we're doing.
All comments, concerns, and complaints are to be directed to...up your ass, we have your money!
Well, bygones bank of A. Don't you worry. Water under the bridge.
Oh, and they wondered if maybe they could use my blog to get their message out to the people, their loyal customers. Well sure...
Dear Bank of America customers,
With identity theft and fraud on the rise, we know that you are concerned about the security of your day to day purchases, and what we, here at Bank of America, are prepared to do to keep you safe. That's why we're happy to introduce our newest plan For American Membership Investment Nexus Encouragement (F.A.M.I.N.E.). We will find that criminal element attempting to defraud our customers and here's how we plan on doing it. We all know that criminals need to eat. Upon this basic factor does our plan rely. Criminals will attempt to use your ATM cards to buy food at supermarkets and such. All we ask is that our loyal customers over the course of the next few weeks don't buy food. That way we'll catch all those criminals red handed by freezing any and all accounts used to purchase food of any sort, and here's the best thing: you don't have to sign up for F.A.M.I.N.E.. Having a Bank of America checking card means that you are instantly enrolled in this program.
Let's here what one happy recipient of F.A.M.I.N.E., Monstro, had to say about the strength of our security: "YOU MOTHER FUCKERS! I WAS JUST TRYING TO BUY FOOD AND YOU FUCKHEADS FROZE MY ACCOUNT!!"
That's right Monstro, but just imagine if you had been trying to buy that food illegally, huh? We think you see what we mean.
So, Welcome to F.A.M.I.N.E. and please let us know how we're doing.
All comments, concerns, and complaints are to be directed to...up your ass, we have your money!
posted by Monstro D. Whale at
1:44 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home