straightening a few things out

In my last post, I realize that I was rather harsh to the people of Massachusetts and I want to say that I'm sorry. I really and truly am. I say this because their are some people in this state who are pretty cool...well, cool may not be the right word, Easterners are, as a rule, kind of stand-off-ish, and cool is a friendly sort of get-along-with-everyone kind of vibe. That's why people have always thought of the Drivler as cool, Monstro as a dick, and Avram as the guy with red hair. In real life, Avram is shy, I AM a dick, and the Drivler has so perfected his psychotic mask of personability that he actually seems friendly. You know who's cool, my wife. She is friendly beyond friendly. But the people of Massachusetts aren't necessarilly cool.

They're not horrible either, and that's my point. In my last blog I insinuated that the people of Massachusetts act like retards. That simply is not true. I said this for two reasons. First, its basis in fact: people on the East are not used to the wide open spaces that we in the west are used to (stop laughing I'm serious). As a result, their idea of personal space is about a foot. When they walk past you, they attempt to cut in at the last minute like they have a semi riding their ass, and as such may suddenly shift over INCHES in front of you...and then they stop. This is them WALKING. Furthermore, they make no bones about the fact that this is the place where all those 19th century writers came from, its the womb of the revolution, Harvard, MIT, Brandeis, Smith, Holyoke, etc.. They think they are hot shit. Maybe they are. I, of course, come from California where we invented thinking that we're hot shit for no god damned reason, so its only reasonable that they and I would clash. Except that in California, we're not so full of ourselves as to believe that we are above standing in line. They are in Massachusetts though. They hover around cash registers more or less impersonating some quantum sketch of an electron field. Moreover, as I mentioned before they are just not friendly. They're not chomping at the bit to tell you all about themselves. They are not asking you to go have a beer with them. They don't want to know you. In California, this would mean that they were either psychotic, closeted homosexuals, or homeless.

The other reason that I said those nasty things about Massachusetts is because THEY ARE TRYING TO KILL ME. Now, I know that they don't mean it; I realize that's just how they drive, but seriously, does that make it any better? Also, when they walk, they are trying to knock over my stroller. So, not only are they trying to kill me, but they are also trying to kill my baby.

So, I'm sorry about calling you retarded Massachusetts. Hey, now that we're friends again, could you maybe do me a favor. Yeah....LEARN HOW TO FUCKING DRIVE!!!!