Dr. Feelbad part 1
So, I'm quitting smoking.
Step 1. Back in June when I returned from my trip with the Drivler (since listening to his Taoist B.S. made quitting nigh impossible), I went from 20 cigarettes a day to 10.
Step 2. On July 1st, I went from 10 to five.
Step 3. On August 1st, quit altogether.
Step 4. Don't look at any calendars.
Step 5. Slowly creep back up to 7 cigarettes a day.
Step 6. Get pissed and only smoke five cigarettes.
Step 7. Finally look at calendar and realize that I should have already quit.
Step 8. Seek professional help in terms of hypno-therapy.
Step 9. Preliminary visit with hypno-therapist. Call her Janine so as to establish a personal feel. Questions that follow entirely destroy all levels of comfort. Janine, in her study of human psychology, has evidently never heard the phrase, "none of your fucking business!"
Step 10. Wait for official hypno-therapist to return from vacation.
I am at step 10.
Well, what do I have to say about this process? Much. I will try to condense it so as to offer a blog of normal length.
First of all, I hate doctors. I really really really hate doctors. I don't think they really know much of anything, and now with computers, I'm fairly sure that they can get all this information off the internet.
When I was at Sacramento State, I memorized every bone in the human body. I can't remember any of them anymore except for the Atlas, the mental foramen, and the sacro illiac. I got 108% in the class and then proceeded to forget everything. That's what I believe that doctors do. Actually, I believe they do worse because I never accepted the kind of paycheck a doctor gets for his "knowledge" and moreover I rarely acted all smug.
I don't think that doctors know anything because when I was a kid, I played sick all the time and doctors always corroborated my story. So much so, that in some file, somewhere, I have an ulcer.
Surgeons I can respect, but doctors? Come on. They look up in a little book your symptoms and "poof" they have a diagnosis which is generally exactly what you thought was wrong. They then prescribe some medication that you would have gotten for yourself except that it requires a prescription, and your done, except that the whole thing took up a better part of the day to complete.
Seriously, I don't like 'em. From the idiot who thought I was diabetic because I'd eaten one two many red hots to the moron who wanted to jab a needle in my eye to deaden the pain that was going to be caused by jabbing a needle in my eye.
What I think really did it for me was when I learned to do everything a doctor had ever done for me that was worthwhile in my Boy Scout first aid class, and I wasn't really paying attention.
I digress. Because as much as I hate doctors. I can't stand psychologists and my hypno-therapist is most definitely a psychologist.
Step 1. Back in June when I returned from my trip with the Drivler (since listening to his Taoist B.S. made quitting nigh impossible), I went from 20 cigarettes a day to 10.
Step 2. On July 1st, I went from 10 to five.
Step 3. On August 1st, quit altogether.
Step 4. Don't look at any calendars.
Step 5. Slowly creep back up to 7 cigarettes a day.
Step 6. Get pissed and only smoke five cigarettes.
Step 7. Finally look at calendar and realize that I should have already quit.
Step 8. Seek professional help in terms of hypno-therapy.
Step 9. Preliminary visit with hypno-therapist. Call her Janine so as to establish a personal feel. Questions that follow entirely destroy all levels of comfort. Janine, in her study of human psychology, has evidently never heard the phrase, "none of your fucking business!"
Step 10. Wait for official hypno-therapist to return from vacation.
I am at step 10.
Well, what do I have to say about this process? Much. I will try to condense it so as to offer a blog of normal length.
First of all, I hate doctors. I really really really hate doctors. I don't think they really know much of anything, and now with computers, I'm fairly sure that they can get all this information off the internet.
When I was at Sacramento State, I memorized every bone in the human body. I can't remember any of them anymore except for the Atlas, the mental foramen, and the sacro illiac. I got 108% in the class and then proceeded to forget everything. That's what I believe that doctors do. Actually, I believe they do worse because I never accepted the kind of paycheck a doctor gets for his "knowledge" and moreover I rarely acted all smug.
I don't think that doctors know anything because when I was a kid, I played sick all the time and doctors always corroborated my story. So much so, that in some file, somewhere, I have an ulcer.
Surgeons I can respect, but doctors? Come on. They look up in a little book your symptoms and "poof" they have a diagnosis which is generally exactly what you thought was wrong. They then prescribe some medication that you would have gotten for yourself except that it requires a prescription, and your done, except that the whole thing took up a better part of the day to complete.
Seriously, I don't like 'em. From the idiot who thought I was diabetic because I'd eaten one two many red hots to the moron who wanted to jab a needle in my eye to deaden the pain that was going to be caused by jabbing a needle in my eye.
What I think really did it for me was when I learned to do everything a doctor had ever done for me that was worthwhile in my Boy Scout first aid class, and I wasn't really paying attention.
I digress. Because as much as I hate doctors. I can't stand psychologists and my hypno-therapist is most definitely a psychologist.
posted by Monstro D. Whale at
2:23 PM
1 Comments:
See "Road To WellVille."
Both my blog entry and the movie. I totally agree with your assessment of Doctorbs. This is why I think Dr. Nick on the Simpsons is realistic.
As for quitting smoking -- ya done heard it all. Everyone has advice, and none of it works. Just know you're a saint and should be rewarded hugely for what you are doing. They should bow down and ask you to please kick as many doctors in the balls as possible for $5,000 bucks a pop. Maybe thats a cure. Suggest it to your hypno-therapist. Am sure that will help immeasurably.
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