An actual conversation with Jason
So, some of you also read Jason's blog, which admittedly is better than mine, but then he doesn't cater to the warhammer crowd. So, there you go. Anyway, The Drivler decided to tell me a story yesterday, or rather I should say that he, with great excitement, wanted to tell me about the "great" thing that happened to him last week. Now admittedly, by writing out the Drivler's "great" moment, I am stealing much of his thunder, but I feel it's necessary to give my side of this, or else its impact may be lost.
He started the conversation by saying: "Let me tell you the highlight of my week. Two words for you, 'Blind Justice'" Intrigued? So was I. I mean who was the recipient of this blind justice? Who was the party deserving of not just justice but blind justice and what horrible thing had they done to deserve it. Most of you know that the drivler is a misnomer; he rarely tells a bad story, and with a segway like this, well who knows where this will go.
He continued: "Way back in the day, Mrs. Drivler lived with this girl (I can't remember her name so I'll call her...) Shannon. Anyways, this girl was a freak. She came home one night and she decided she wanted to "purify" herself by shaving every hair off her body and then taking a hot bath."
Ahah! So, it is Shannon who would be the recipient of this "blind justice," though its not clear why the drivler would even want vengeance or why it would so satisfy him that this girl had gotten hers 13 years after the Drivler had known her. I mean, it's sort of intriguing that Jason would even find out that this Shannon-person had got what was coming to her (despite the fact that I didn't really know why she had anything coming to her at all). I mean, without explanation, one may assume that the Drivler turned on the news and there Shannon was, finally getting arrested for some heinous crime or act. Or better yet, she was on Cops getting arrested for huffing paint. I mean something, right? He lives in North Carolina. One can only imagine that for him to learn anything about Shannon out in California, she'd have to make into the national spotlight. What had she done, back at the beginning of the story or even now? Not just justice, people: BLIND JUSTICE. The hand of God descending from the clouds to strike down the evil-doers just when they finally thought that they were safe, that they had escaped punishment for their crimes, but oh no...not Shannon. She had finally gotten her come uppance for whatever heinous vile thing she had done.
Jason continued:
"So, anyways, I was watching this show the other day called "Blind Justice" and there's this blind guy, and get this, he's got a shaved head. How the hell does a blind guy shave his head?"
I'm not fucking joking. That was the point of his story. That's it. That was the "Blind Justice" he was referring to.
Then, as I sat there on the phone utterly dumbfounded, I could hear the Drivler in the background turn to Mrs. Drivler and say:
"Hey, remember Shannon?"
"OH yeah."
"Remember when she shaved all her hair?"
"Yup."
Somehow, this was supposed to make everything...you know... make sense.
It wasn't until I got off the phone that I realized what happened, but I've figured it out, I think. The Blind Justice that Jason was referring to was not some well shaved blind guy. No. At some point in my life, I must have told Jason some kind of bullshit story that didn't make a shred of sense and he had been waiting--the Drivler is patient--for the one day when I would least expect it, and then he would unleash his story of Shannon on me, knowing full well that I would take him seriously and I would be left wondering what the hell one story had to do with another, and why any of this constituted the high point of his week. The high point of his week is right now, reading this, realizing full well that he got me.
So to you Drivler I say this, Kudos. But remember, I too am patient. The day will come. Mark my words. When I too will have my "Blind Justice," and I too will wonder, 'how the hell does that guy shave his head?'
He started the conversation by saying: "Let me tell you the highlight of my week. Two words for you, 'Blind Justice'" Intrigued? So was I. I mean who was the recipient of this blind justice? Who was the party deserving of not just justice but blind justice and what horrible thing had they done to deserve it. Most of you know that the drivler is a misnomer; he rarely tells a bad story, and with a segway like this, well who knows where this will go.
He continued: "Way back in the day, Mrs. Drivler lived with this girl (I can't remember her name so I'll call her...) Shannon. Anyways, this girl was a freak. She came home one night and she decided she wanted to "purify" herself by shaving every hair off her body and then taking a hot bath."
Ahah! So, it is Shannon who would be the recipient of this "blind justice," though its not clear why the drivler would even want vengeance or why it would so satisfy him that this girl had gotten hers 13 years after the Drivler had known her. I mean, it's sort of intriguing that Jason would even find out that this Shannon-person had got what was coming to her (despite the fact that I didn't really know why she had anything coming to her at all). I mean, without explanation, one may assume that the Drivler turned on the news and there Shannon was, finally getting arrested for some heinous crime or act. Or better yet, she was on Cops getting arrested for huffing paint. I mean something, right? He lives in North Carolina. One can only imagine that for him to learn anything about Shannon out in California, she'd have to make into the national spotlight. What had she done, back at the beginning of the story or even now? Not just justice, people: BLIND JUSTICE. The hand of God descending from the clouds to strike down the evil-doers just when they finally thought that they were safe, that they had escaped punishment for their crimes, but oh no...not Shannon. She had finally gotten her come uppance for whatever heinous vile thing she had done.
Jason continued:
"So, anyways, I was watching this show the other day called "Blind Justice" and there's this blind guy, and get this, he's got a shaved head. How the hell does a blind guy shave his head?"
I'm not fucking joking. That was the point of his story. That's it. That was the "Blind Justice" he was referring to.
Then, as I sat there on the phone utterly dumbfounded, I could hear the Drivler in the background turn to Mrs. Drivler and say:
"Hey, remember Shannon?"
"OH yeah."
"Remember when she shaved all her hair?"
"Yup."
Somehow, this was supposed to make everything...you know... make sense.
It wasn't until I got off the phone that I realized what happened, but I've figured it out, I think. The Blind Justice that Jason was referring to was not some well shaved blind guy. No. At some point in my life, I must have told Jason some kind of bullshit story that didn't make a shred of sense and he had been waiting--the Drivler is patient--for the one day when I would least expect it, and then he would unleash his story of Shannon on me, knowing full well that I would take him seriously and I would be left wondering what the hell one story had to do with another, and why any of this constituted the high point of his week. The high point of his week is right now, reading this, realizing full well that he got me.
So to you Drivler I say this, Kudos. But remember, I too am patient. The day will come. Mark my words. When I too will have my "Blind Justice," and I too will wonder, 'how the hell does that guy shave his head?'
posted by Monstro D. Whale at
1:37 PM
3 Comments:
Addendum: Look at that picture. LOOK AT IT!!! He doesn't even have a shaved head. Oh, I will get you Drivler.
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Look homeward Monstro now, and melt with ruth: I have responded to your post.
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