Christian Charity, smoke, the fires of hell, etc.
Warning: DO NOT READ THIS AT ANY TIME BEFORE, AFTER, OR DURING A MEAL!!!
Well, I feel that I am in the right frame of mind finally to adress a question so often put to me. As a pack a day smoker, people are inclined to seek out my opinion on the cigarette tax (that's a lie, no one cares about smokers and their problems because smokers are pariahs).
Having just paid $6 for a product that should cost $2 and that will most likely kill me, I'd like to address this issue. And the issue is this, do I feel that those who profit $4 from every pack of cigarettes are morally reprehensible (for those of you doing the math, that's $1460 in taxes from me alone per year)?
The answer: no. You see I am a Christian, and as a Christian I believe in forgiveness. So, I forgive them.
Also, as a Christian, I believe in Hell. I like to think of Hell as having a good deal of Dante in it so that the punishment matches up thematically with the sin. So, what sort of Hell do I imagine for those who feed off of my death.
Well, I imagine a great field of corpses, and as these bastards have fed on the dead and dying in life, so must they do so in death--for all eternity. Of course, big tobacco being the closest to the source will get the rights to the freshest of the dead. The politicians who have profitted most, but only in a roundabout way from the deaths of all of us smokers, will, in Hell, only get the leavings: the gnawed upon, those skins turned slimey and black by decay. Oh, to be sure, not every corpse will be a loved one. Some will be total strangers, and therefore, easier to swallow I'd imagine.
But I hold no grudge against these people, and feel inclined to forgive them their trespasses. Not as inclined as I might feel if I could detect in them some--any--strain of virtue, but still.
Well, I feel that I am in the right frame of mind finally to adress a question so often put to me. As a pack a day smoker, people are inclined to seek out my opinion on the cigarette tax (that's a lie, no one cares about smokers and their problems because smokers are pariahs).
Having just paid $6 for a product that should cost $2 and that will most likely kill me, I'd like to address this issue. And the issue is this, do I feel that those who profit $4 from every pack of cigarettes are morally reprehensible (for those of you doing the math, that's $1460 in taxes from me alone per year)?
The answer: no. You see I am a Christian, and as a Christian I believe in forgiveness. So, I forgive them.
Also, as a Christian, I believe in Hell. I like to think of Hell as having a good deal of Dante in it so that the punishment matches up thematically with the sin. So, what sort of Hell do I imagine for those who feed off of my death.
Well, I imagine a great field of corpses, and as these bastards have fed on the dead and dying in life, so must they do so in death--for all eternity. Of course, big tobacco being the closest to the source will get the rights to the freshest of the dead. The politicians who have profitted most, but only in a roundabout way from the deaths of all of us smokers, will, in Hell, only get the leavings: the gnawed upon, those skins turned slimey and black by decay. Oh, to be sure, not every corpse will be a loved one. Some will be total strangers, and therefore, easier to swallow I'd imagine.
But I hold no grudge against these people, and feel inclined to forgive them their trespasses. Not as inclined as I might feel if I could detect in them some--any--strain of virtue, but still.
posted by Monstro D. Whale at
9:13 AM
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