Full House gets cancelled and now he's hassling me
Bob Sagat? Who the hell's Bob Sagat? I mean, aside from THE Bob Sagat. Anyways, let me start this blog with an official apology to you Bob.
I was wrong.
Moreover, I knew I was wrong not but one day after I wrote the blog. How did I know, you may ask? My wife. She told me. I give her full credit. She's pretty much the smart one in the duo. I was watching Showtime, I saw this thing on Ali G giving the commencement address at Harvard and my thoughts started percolating on the meaning of such a message. But the next day, my wife alerted me to the fact that perhaps I had put too much blame on the Harvard administration, as well as the powers that be in our country, and that the students themselves probably picked Ali. I did not realize, until now, that there were two commencement speeches--one serious, the other not--and I that to you Bob. You are the bearer of that news for me.
Now you're probably asking yourself what this world is coming to when Monstro himself, the scourge of the seven seas, distributes mis-information. Maybe you're saying, "how could the lofty have fallen so far? Why did he not write a retraction?" Well, I'll tell you.
I think perhaps it was pride. Yes, that has to be it. I was too proud and I knew that the three people who read my blog would lose faith in me--on my reports about Blade II and Gwar, about my in depth analysis of Northampton driving habits and the difficulties associated with getting smogged in Easthampton. I couldn't let that happen, Bob. Imagine a world where those three people lost their ability to believe in my petty and trivial information.
But alas, Bob, I did not count on you, someone I don't know, relying on me as well to disseminate all that is worth knowing. And so it is with a heavy heart that I finally let the truth be known. I was wrong about Ali G.
Furthermore, I have never seen Blade II. Someone told me about it, and...I just can't live that lie anymore either. Those pictures? That's not my house. I live with a family that just emigrated here from Madagascar, I work for my room and board as an indentured servant. I juggle, cook fish and biscuits, and make candles that often accidentally look like Richard Nixon.
I hope that the healing can begin for us both now, Bob.
One last thing, this is a blog. It isn't really all that serious. If you want news go here, or here, but I'm not a reporter. So, unless what I've said turns out to be wrong in a way that actually matters, I'm not writing retractions. I'm too busy writing new stuff. I thank you for saying that my Blog was well written, but the fact that I was referencing friends might have suggested to you that this blog is for people I know. It's cool if people stumble on it and all, but I'm not really writing for you. Sorry.
Of course, the truth is probably that you are somebody I know. Most likely Jason. In which case:
I didn't write a retraction because I didn't feel like it/was busy/already had an idea for another blog and, therefore, moved on.
Pointing out that Ali G is an alter ego is a lot like pointing out that Pee Wee Herman is an alter ego.
And lastly, shouldn't you be writing that paper you want me to read, you rat bastard.
I was wrong.
Moreover, I knew I was wrong not but one day after I wrote the blog. How did I know, you may ask? My wife. She told me. I give her full credit. She's pretty much the smart one in the duo. I was watching Showtime, I saw this thing on Ali G giving the commencement address at Harvard and my thoughts started percolating on the meaning of such a message. But the next day, my wife alerted me to the fact that perhaps I had put too much blame on the Harvard administration, as well as the powers that be in our country, and that the students themselves probably picked Ali. I did not realize, until now, that there were two commencement speeches--one serious, the other not--and I that to you Bob. You are the bearer of that news for me.
Now you're probably asking yourself what this world is coming to when Monstro himself, the scourge of the seven seas, distributes mis-information. Maybe you're saying, "how could the lofty have fallen so far? Why did he not write a retraction?" Well, I'll tell you.
I think perhaps it was pride. Yes, that has to be it. I was too proud and I knew that the three people who read my blog would lose faith in me--on my reports about Blade II and Gwar, about my in depth analysis of Northampton driving habits and the difficulties associated with getting smogged in Easthampton. I couldn't let that happen, Bob. Imagine a world where those three people lost their ability to believe in my petty and trivial information.
But alas, Bob, I did not count on you, someone I don't know, relying on me as well to disseminate all that is worth knowing. And so it is with a heavy heart that I finally let the truth be known. I was wrong about Ali G.
Furthermore, I have never seen Blade II. Someone told me about it, and...I just can't live that lie anymore either. Those pictures? That's not my house. I live with a family that just emigrated here from Madagascar, I work for my room and board as an indentured servant. I juggle, cook fish and biscuits, and make candles that often accidentally look like Richard Nixon.
I hope that the healing can begin for us both now, Bob.
One last thing, this is a blog. It isn't really all that serious. If you want news go here, or here, but I'm not a reporter. So, unless what I've said turns out to be wrong in a way that actually matters, I'm not writing retractions. I'm too busy writing new stuff. I thank you for saying that my Blog was well written, but the fact that I was referencing friends might have suggested to you that this blog is for people I know. It's cool if people stumble on it and all, but I'm not really writing for you. Sorry.
Of course, the truth is probably that you are somebody I know. Most likely Jason. In which case:
I didn't write a retraction because I didn't feel like it/was busy/already had an idea for another blog and, therefore, moved on.
Pointing out that Ali G is an alter ego is a lot like pointing out that Pee Wee Herman is an alter ego.
And lastly, shouldn't you be writing that paper you want me to read, you rat bastard.
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So this is how I must make my long-overdue entrance into Brian’s blog. No sooner had I set up the internet in our new house (for family and friends: we got here AOK, and we’re already bloggin' at ya!), when I found my name besmirched on this fine blog. Granted, I am the kind of person who might point out a misplaced comma in a Winston Churchill speech, and granted, I AM a rat bastard, but I have never lodged a post as Bob Saget. Furthermore, I am blissfully unaware of the antics of this “Ali G.” Part of me wavers: is BobSaget for real, or did Brian simply create a persona so wankerific that I would have to respond, therefore drawing me into the role of “rival” discussed in his “Ars Blogica” post? I mean, is it only coincidence that this respondent's initials also stand for Bull Shit? Stepping into said role would, of course, unquestionably reveal Brian's superiority. Then again, I've always sworn fealty to the powers of the monstro: the rivalry is decidedly one-sided. On the off-chance that this isn’t a hoax, I’ll send my kudos to BobSaget.
BobSaget wrote, “your well written blog doesn’t make sense anymore.” You’re right, Bob: now that I’ve read your post, the whole thing has turned into a Salvador Dali painting. Is that Greek? Sanskrit? I dunno! I was so sobered by the experience that I thought to myself, “screw Brian’s blog, he just tries to relate his experiences in an entertaining way. I want the wisdom of BobSaget.” Upon visiting BobSaget’s blog, I was crestfallen—crestfallen, I tell you—to find that BobSaget had no wisdom to share. Apparently, BobSaget’s wisdom is parasitical: his life-processes are maintained by feeding off a host body. Like the Bob Saget of “Funniest Home Videos” fame, his career is sustained only through the delicious injuries of others: a man falling off a ladder, a cat sleeping on a suddenly-active sprinker, a blogger writing about some Orthodox Jew from the UK who graduated with a history degree from Cambridge University.
Good luck slurping the precious juices from your next host-body, BobSaget. Suck on!
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