Get well soon, Mary-Kate!
So yes, you've all been waiting for me to weigh in on the Mary-Kate Olsen health crisis. I read today that someone wasn't surprised that she has admitted herself for a one-month treatment for an undisclosed health issue (that bastion of journalistic integrity, "Us," reports that the twin suffers from anorexia). Apparently this person saw her out for dinner one night: she cut a tomato into six slices and ate it very slowly.

That was it: one tomato.

Of course, the twins' recent film, "New York Minute," was deemed a failure by the entertainment industry because it only earned $14 million.

Fourteen million dollars. And it's a failure.

Any of you ever made $14 million dollars? Yeah, me neither.

The entertainment industry just sucks: portraying unrealistic versions of unrealistic people making unrealistic sums of money for being unrealistic.
- posted by Mrs.Brian Johnson @ 7:26 PM 1 comments  

 
Good week for the e-word
Two sentences this week have made me laugh out loud.

First, from the Northampton Gazette: From a bear fatally mauling a dog off Route 66 to numerous reports of bears foraging in garbage cans in an Elm Street neighborhood and an incident in which a motorcyclist hit a dog that was chasing a bear on Spring Street, indications are clear: bear season is upon us.

A motorcycle hitting a dog that was chasing a bear. All I want to know is, what sort of dog chases a bear? I mean, our kitten might, but even sans manhood he has more courage than brains.

Great e-sentence, part two, from the Mercury News's review of the new schlocky romance, "The Notebook": After you've gotten horizontal under a green light, there's no place left to go but making out.

...Just make sure that light hasn't changed to red before you go.
- posted by Mrs.Brian Johnson @ 1:51 PM 0 comments  

 
A New(er) Woman
I applied for a credit card last week (excited about 4.9 interest and the opportunity to transfer the balance from my evil, wicked AT&T Universal card) and got a phone call yesterday about it. We verified all of my information and then, right before we hung up, the agent asked, “Wait a minute – what’s your birthday?” Turns out that TransUnion credit agency has listed my birthdate as 1972: one year off from my true 1971 date of birth (also the same year that Nike and Starbucks were born).

An optimist would look at it as gaining a year of youth. I look at it as a reason to contact all three credit agencies and tell ’em to get their (collective) act together.

Freakin' data entry drones...

- posted by Mrs.Brian Johnson @ 6:43 PM 0 comments  

 
Summer in Chico
When Brian and I were first courting, I googled him and read all of his opinion columns online at the Chico State newspaper. My favorite warned Chico summer visitors to be careful when they stand up so as not to hit one's head on the sun.

It's only funny because it's true. It hit 104 last week and will only get hotter from there. We were at a barbeque on Saturday; the host kept the backyard cool with overhead water misters. It was just like being at Magic Mountain, except the food was free and there were fewer rides. Kyle made a big mess of ceviche and gave us the leftovers.

The students left a month ago, and now summer school is over so *all* the students are gone, leaving only the Chicoans (Chee-kho'-hans) to roam the streets. I was downtown yesterday and had a "28 Days Later" flashback (not to be confused with a "28 Days" flashback, which would be another thing entirely, and unlikely as I never saw that flick).

Oh well, at least that means it takes less time to get food.

Random weekend occurance: A taxi pulled up to our place and a bag-carrying driver came to our door. "Is this 376 A?" he asked, and when I said "yes" he said, "Did you folks call for the cigarettes?"

We had not. But I could tell that Brian thought it was a great idea!
- posted by Mrs.Brian Johnson @ 7:39 PM 0 comments