About Me
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- Name:Mrs. Brian Johnson
- Location:Northampton, Massachusetts, United States
Your typical least-likely-to-be-a-New-Englander, living in Massachusetts, married lady.
06/13/2004 - 06/19/2004
06/20/2004 - 06/26/2004
06/27/2004 - 07/03/2004
07/18/2004 - 07/24/2004
08/08/2004 - 08/14/2004
08/15/2004 - 08/21/2004
08/29/2004 - 09/04/2004
04/17/2005 - 04/23/2005
02/26/2006 - 03/04/2006
New Blog Address
My old blog site went away -- visit http://motormouth.blogharbor.com for the newest Motormouth happenings!
Motormouth's new Blog!
Hi Everyone,
Sorry it's been forever since I've posted, but I've been... busy. Read all about it at my new blog.
Love,
Lynn
New England Newbie
Before I moved from California to Massachusetts three weeks ago, my friends shook their collective head.
"You’re moving cross country in a 24-foot U-Haul, towing a car behind that, with your husband of five months..." they’d begin.
"And our cat," I’d interrupt.
"And your cat, and you’ve never moved together before."
"Well, he moved me from the Santa Cruz Mountains to Chico."
"Sure, but you weren’t living together then."
"We were engaged." (And the truest quote on that subject was from seven-years-married Julie, who stated, "I’d rather be married than single, but I’d rather be single than engaged.")
"Ok, engaged," they’d all counter. And then they laughed off their collective butt.
My matron of honor, Anne, who did her undergrad at Wellesley -- a New Englander pro tem, perhaps -- put the underlying ridiculousness best.
"I can’t believe it," she told me long-distance, and three hours earlier than it was at my house. "Lynn, the least likely person ever to be a New Englander, living in New England."
Don’t worry -- I wasn’t offended. See, my father is a third-gen native Californian (I am suppressing to urge to capitalize "native") and I’ve never quite forgiven him for making me be born in North Carolina. My family returned to the Left Coast before I was fahve, and I was California public-school educated from Kindergarten to my MFA. It wasn’t until I was 29 that I saw snow fall for the first time. When Mom set the thermostat to 68, I’d have to go put on a sweater. While living in the beautiful SC Mountains where everyone should live before they die, I was snowed in one winter’s day and snowed out two nights the subsequent year -- snowed in is better. Above all, I am molto allergic to insect bites and stings, and the one time I was in Boston, Hurricane Bob came to visit.
So why Massachusetts? Because my darling husband was accepted to UMass-Amherst’s doctoral program, and wants to be a college professor more than anything in the world. Why Northampton? Because we heard that was where all the "cool" grad students live. How’d we end up in the most enormous and beautiful flat in town? Because we couldn’t afford to fly out to visit first.
I was office temping and Brian was sanding cremation urns -- it’s a living, but barely. Lucky for us, the Noho/N’ton/NorthamptonUncommon Chamber of Commerce employs a fairy godmother by the name of Katie. She hooked me up with a business owner who offered me a job after nothing but e-mails and phone calls and cross-country reference checks. In addition, she not only looked at apartments for us, but put down a $100 check of her own money as a placeholder when we agreed on the place she liked best. Seven of Brian’s future classmates showed up at noon on August 10th to help us move. Benji at Jimmy Burghoff’s tried getting our sofa up the front and back staircases and also the second-floor sunroom window (we have come to the conclusion that early New Englanders were neither tall nor portly). Jeff, the furniture refinisher on Route 10, traded us our sofa, a similarly awkward-sized bookcase, the desk we broke moving it into the truck in Chico, and a $100 check for a beautiful desk and a two-piece china hutch.
The only thing that didn’t survive the move was our cat, who died two weeks after our arrival, and prompted the Chamber ladies to write us a card that made three people cry: me, Brian, and my mom when I read it to her over the phone. Now we take heart in the loss of our beloved pet by saying, "Well, at least he saw the country" (during which time he found porn under the bed in Utah, and grass in the room we got for him in Entfield, CT. If he’d survived, I’d have farmed him out to the Vice Squad).
So anyway, I don’t know where y’all got the reputation for being unfriendly, and you aren’t working very hard to maintain it. Jeez, and we haven’t even made it to church yet! ________ [1] It’s true that telling people you’re moving cross-country is a lot like telling them you’re scheduled for surgery to have your wisdom teeth removed: I heard from two men how they each were so broke by the end of the journey that they had to live in campgrounds with all their possessions, their newlywed spouse, and, in one case, an infant. This universal truth is not dependent upon the goodness of the people you tell, as the pastor who baptized Brian, married us, and was also my boss for a year, himself lived the tale with the aforementioned “infant.”
sorry I haven't written...
I was all set to get back up on the blog bandwagon last week. I was back from a week's worth of training at one of the other ice cream stores in Albany; Mr. Johnson set up the apartment in my absence. We had mostly settled in. Last Monday we started training employees at our Northampton shop, and things were going great. Until Wednesday morning, really, when I walked out into the living room and found our sweet kitty Maxwell had died in the night.
Today would have been Max's first birthday, so he wasn't old. He seemed to be settling in as well as Mr. Johnson and I. We'd had an exterminator in who'd dusted ant poison into our walls, but that seemed largely undisturbed. Maybe he was just worn out from everything, all the changes in his life.
As if losing a beloved pet isn't bad enough, I also don't feel like I'd been a good kitty mommy for the week prior. I'd gone away to Albany and returned with a cold, so I spent Monday and Tuesday nights after work parked in my chair. When I got home from Albany, Max raced to greet me. I picked him up and he put his arms around my neck in what we referred to as a "kitty hug," and purred for half an hour. Later, when I tried to put him down, he held fast and looked at me, frenzied. I laughed then, but now it just makes my heart hurt.
Mr. Johnson, who is braver in the face of woe, put a more pragmatic spin on it. "Well, at least he got to see the country." Which he did -- Motel Sixes from Chico, CA to Northampton, MA, during which time Max found other people's porn in our room in Utah (and it was total Utah porn -- the girl on the cover wore a swimsuit) and other people's dope in Entfield, CT, where he had is own room (we splurged on it after 15 hours in the truck, so that he could expend nocturnal energy without waking us up in the process).
"Max should work for the vice squad," I told Mr. Johnson, who did not disagree.
We took him to the vet to be cremated. Dad said he'd bury the remains at the pet cemetary we have at the cabin where I spent my childhood summers. And even though I know Max is dead, I still hear him in the apartment, mewing and jingling his collar. One week later and it still brings pinpricks to my eyes.
The Curse of the White Sofa
When Dino moved in to his ski-cabinesque loft apartment next door on Allerton Street, he had this five-month-old white sofa that had us all placing bets.
Dino had just rented the top floor of Abby and Charles' house, and in so doing gained a Staircase from Hell. Its 80-percent grade hooked over your left shoulder like half a "z". The sofa was long and overstuffed. Perfect for napping.
It would be a gruesome twosome situation. Alex didn't think it could be done. My housemate's mind was one for computing spatial variables, so I sided silently with him. But Danny, from across the street, had professional moving experience. Danny had a plan.
The men all put their backs into it, and made it halfway when Landlord Lou arrived and said, "You boys need to watch that stair rail."
Abby and I took in the scene from Dino's second-floor landing. The banister in question was attached to balusters attached to the stairs, impossible to remove. We shrugged our shoulders and Lou left, muttering Slavicly.
"Be careful about that stair rail, now," Abby mocked, causing the guys to grit their teeth and try it again. They reached the second-floor landing but were unable to cantilever the long, overstuffed piece into his den.
They loaded the sofa back into Dino's moving truck. Alex whispered, "knew it wasn't going to work. Watch that stair rail."
A precise impersonation of Abby's impersonation of Lou. I shrugged, waving at the truck's shrinking taillights.
And I think about that now because I remember how sad I felt for Dino, and how much it would suck, to have a new white sofa and have to take it away.
And I think about how it did suck, this week, to watch my own five-month-old, perfect-for-napping, overstuffed white sofa drive away to Jeff the furniture refinisher who works down the street, after attempts were made to get it up two different stairways and a second-floor window.
And I think of the curse of the white sofa, and its procession from Dino to me.
Live from Northampton
I am pleased to report that Mr. Johnson and I have arrived safely in our new hometown! So far, it has thundered and lightening-ed every day except for the day we moved in. The kitty did very well on the move, and enjoyed roaming the basement in his Grandma Johnson's home outside of Denver.
More info and pictures once we get unpacked. My first day of work will be Monday, and we'll be checking out a new church on Sunday morning.
Our new hometown is *adorable*, the people are almost too friendly, and the food is unbelievably yummy and healthy. And the water's so soft it takes a good long time to rinse the soap off, and my skin has never felt so tender.
Ahhhh. It's good to be home.
Insta-fun!
Wow, motormouth johnson is going interactive. Welcome to the weekly poll! Vote once a day!
kitten life
You might have noticed that I didn't post last week. I was busy working: Eight hours each day at the temp job, then three hours each night at Family Fun Week (aka Vacation Bible School) at my church.
So, there is much minutia to catch up on, one piece of which my favorite co-worker reminded me of today when she told me her dog threw up on her kitchen floor and it made her think of My Darling Husband.
You see, last week, about 3:30 a.m., I woke up to MDH saying, "Max, did you just pee on my leg?" Max is Our Darling Kitten who is seriously nocturnal, which makes him not-so-darling. Brian turned on the light and realized that Max hadn't urinated, but rather vomited on his leg. Brian was remarkably sweet about it, cleaned himself and the kitten up and made sure Max felt OK, but then when he got back into bed he said, "Sure, you just wanted to puke on my leg."
This sent me into hysterics, which made MDH upset until I explained, "I'm not laughing because of the puke, I'm laughing because of what you said." This placated him, but then every time I'd try to quiet down I'd hear his voice in my head and that would set me off again. This made MDH even more upset.
"Come on, you know how things are funnier than the middle of the night than they are by the light of day? This is one of those things," I said.
Nonetheless, I could not settle down, so I slept on the sofa. And the next morning, when I told my favorite coworker about it, it was still pretty funny.
